my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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