I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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