He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
