I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
