Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
