He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
