you win again, gameday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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