You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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