We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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