First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
