Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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