I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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