He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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