Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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