he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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