Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
