My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
