If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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