I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
