who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
