my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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