I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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