so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
