I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
