Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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