is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
