When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.