to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up