I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to calm my uterus...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything