Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...