Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.