You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.