the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?