I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.