The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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