I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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