he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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