We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think your dad took our porno
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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