Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
