He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
