I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god it's open bar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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