I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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