I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
