Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
