are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
