Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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