Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
