Kareoke will never be a sober sport
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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