That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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