look no pants
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she looked like the before picture.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
