True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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