Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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