your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
