Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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