I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
