every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
