I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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