I only kidnapped one of them. chill
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
