To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize