Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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