So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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