so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
