so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
