Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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