I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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