I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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