I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
