We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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